Unemployed Rage

So, after four and a half years, I have made the move and left my dead end job, no offence to my previous boss, and am currently enjoying my second day of unemployment in approx 6 years. Chillin with a beer, listening to some aussie hiphop (Coptic Soldier for those playing at home). Pretty calming and soothing, exspecially knowing I have enough money to survive modestly for a while, and knowing I have a heap of books to read, movies to watch and things to learn before my life becomes more stressful again, probably around the beginning of 2010. I can already feel myself becoming more complacent and taking things in my stride without blowing up... And I hate that.

I think I need things to get fired up by, I need enemies, people I hate but am forced to relate with on a daily basis. I like to be happy as much as the next person, but niceness is not motivating. Don't get me wrong, I still deal with people I would rather feed to a swarm of zombie mice than have a 5 minute conversation with, but they are much fewer and far between. So I have to motivate myself, and that is a much harder prospect.

I am now trying to work on aims, and goals, and how to get myself to them, without the pleasure of knowing that I am doing things just to spite people. I told quite a few people my goal for the next few years, and to my utter dismay, no one I disliked told me I couldn't do it, no one said I'd never be good enough for that, they all just wished me luck and shook my hand like an impotent fish.

So now, the crux of my rant, I am going to have to motivate myself. I've never really had to do this. I know that if I go hungry now, or if I can't pay the rent, or if I'm too stupid to take my life down the path I've decided on, that I can only blame myself. No one else can help me and no one else can be held accountable for what I can or can not achieve in the future. I am only responsible for myself, and I'm the only person responsible for myself. I have no where the shift blame, nobody who has stood in my way, no one has said a bad word about what I'm aiming for. And that is pretty motivating, I'll let you know how it goes

Keep an ear to the ground and a fist in the sky.

<3 Ranting Man